The name of a film is a carefully chosen part of its marketing, of its atmosphere, of telling you what it’s all about.

In the very old days, of course, when you bought your cinema ticket, it was probably dispensed from an automaticket machine, a wee piece of paper printed with the price of the ticket, and not much else.

Then came progress – tickets printed on a wee dot matrix printer that, amazingly, *had the actual name of the film you were seeing on it*.

Fantastically useful for keeping track of what films you’d seen and when. But then came Progress.

Thermal printers, different papers, smaller tickets, very odd font and layout choices, and the amount of space given over on the tickets to fitting the name of the film in gets smaller and smaller…

Very little attempt is now made by the cinemas to adapt the tickets to the films, or to pick sensible abbreviations to make them fit sensibly.

This is why, when sorting through a pile of old tickets recently, I discovered the following films I have apparently seen:

The Little Known Movie Spin off from the Teletubbies…

The James Bond movie to end all James Bond movies…

The sequel to the hit film ‘Batman Is’…

A prequel to spider man, starring his mother…

An Italian film about a killer cyborg from the future…

Some other kind of film I’m not very sure about… Touching Adult ?!

…and finally another film in the series: Planet Of Verb, Planet of Adjective, and the…

Anyone else got any other nice examples of almost might-have-been films ?